Me: Can we please stop the porn use and compulsive masturbation already? Enough is enough! I’m tired of this shame cycle and want to have healthy relationships! Where did you come from anyways?
17 year old addict: I come from you! I like numbing myself with porn and masturbation! Besides my dad died unexpectedly and this is the way I make myself feel better! I don’t want to cry or feel bad about what happened but I can handle all of these situations in life on my own and I don’t need anyone’s help!
Me: Wow that really sucks man! No one should have to go through that and it’s not your fault either that you found porn to cope and numb your feelings, but it’s because of this crappy world we live in. But brother, that’s not a healthy way to deal with grief though. Don’t you think that talking about it with others and maybe seeing a counselor or something would have helped with that?
17 year old addict: Maybe that’s true, but I don’t want to ask for help or be a burden to my mom or other family members and doesn’t professional help cost a lot of money? I don’t want to bother anyone or have them have to pay for me for something that might not even work. Besides porn is free and it doesn’t hurt anyone right?!
Me: Brother! Please reach out to others and don’t keep to yourself. Also, it is not unmanly to cry and to feel sad and other feelings. These things are all natural. Society has messed us up into thinking that to be a real man we don’t cry or feel emotions. This is totally wrong! And your family would be more than happy to provide you with emotional, mental and spiritual support. Your mom would gladly pay for you to get help professionally, she would not even think twice about the money. Please brother, stop being stubborn and reach out for help! Porn is destructive and not helping us be the best versions of ourselves we can be.
17 year old addict: Man, you are probably right. But, I’ve never done anything like that before. I’m scared and don’t know how to ask for help, what should I do?
Me: Bud, I’m here to help you in any way I can. Let’s go to talk to your mom and reconnect with your family members. They all love you and want the best for you. What do you need to help you heal?
17 year old addict: Thanks for your support… maybe porn and compulsive masturbation has caused me a lot of problems that I haven’t really thought about. I have noticed I’ve isolated myself more and more and felt awkward making conversations with random people and even with my family and friends I don’t always know what to say. I think if I felt love and care from others and develop a more healthy positive view of myself and if I didn’t think I could do this all by myself, than maybe I wouldn’t need porn. I also need guidance in my life since I don’t have my dad at the age where I really am still figuring out what to do with my future. Hmmm, it’s definitely something to think about.
Me: Definitely man! You deserve to be happy and not let negative events in life determine how the rest of your life will be or to get stuck in a porn and shame cycle. It’s not worth it! I encourage you to reach out to others, make connections and friendships, stop using porn and masturbation to escape reality, feel your feelings, talk about them to others and if you need to, make an appointment to see a specialist dealing in family tragedy. Also try to get your spiritual routine up and going the best that you can and study and pray often when you are feeling down and discouraged or tempted. I know for a fact that there are plenty of mature spiritual men in your family and in your life that would be more than willing to provide you with a successful roadmap to life as well, and anything you want to know about or want to learn how to do or whatever, they would love to help you out! I know you are a good person and you want to live a happy and healthy life. I am here for you when you need it and I know your family will be standing by ready to help in anyway they can.
17 year old addict: Wow, I really appreciate your positive view in me getting through this difficult time successfully. I think I’ll try your suggestions and I’ll try and get out break out of my shell and make some phone calls to my family and friends. I am getting tired of the porn use and how I feel horrible and depressed and other negative feelings afterwards anyways. I want to feel closer to God and I want to connect with others and not feel shame or like I’m unworthy.
Me: I’m really glad to hear that! The future awaits us and it looks very bright. Talk to you soon, I look forward to hearing of your successes! And again, I’m here to support you in the good times and the bad, we can get through this and have a great life!